Its back
perplexing
irritating
misinterpret
zips and zaps
and tingles
and dizzy
prolong the feeling
head reeling
stars and sparkles
eyes close in dismay
a small tear on the way
it is called a sign with a fancy French nuance
lightening sends a wave of feeling
blast
it won’t last
it is deceiving
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
ode to re doing
Once upon a ladder
construction distraction still ongoing
a reprise of plans
unusual circumstance - distance the finish line
interrupt the concept and design
with suggestions not divine
difficult disarray
confusing discord
offending remorse
wiring redundance
abrupt disappointment
abort celebration
distinct disagreement
bound by bonds on paper
fueled by guilt or disabled trust
worries of future lust
construction distraction still ongoing
a reprise of plans
unusual circumstance - distance the finish line
interrupt the concept and design
with suggestions not divine
difficult disarray
confusing discord
offending remorse
wiring redundance
abrupt disappointment
abort celebration
distinct disagreement
bound by bonds on paper
fueled by guilt or disabled trust
worries of future lust
Thursday, July 15, 2010
Whats Love Part II
What’s love got to do with it – part dos
Stressed about work, or health or bills
Everything that can bug you about your partner’s actions or reactions or NON action is blown out of proportion, because of your stress
What part of I DON”T KNOW don’t you understand?
Sometimes the MonSter takes away common sense and I do really stoopid things
BUT THIS DRIVES ME CRAZY!!!! =
Partner has had a horrible week at work and is still functioning, not bringing home the bad stuff, yet makes the comment he is going to buy out the rest of his time, and retire in 12 months instead of 24 months.
Purchase price of the health insurance will be MORE than he will have coming in from his retirement
STRESS
Kills
Blank out the consequences of not paying attention to the details
Like charge stuff because we couldn’t balance the check book, and we didn’t want an overdraft charge
BUT BACK TO THE IMPORTANT STUFF =
Proud that the renovation project is all labor and the price of the flooring and such is so little compared to the cost of building a NEW studio, as had been suggested by the Partner, who is in denial - but is making me my OWN SPACE compared to HIS OWN man space in the huge 2 story garage
To compensate for things better left unsaid?
After paying the insurance on the Jeep, personal loan payment, 2 credit cards and life insurance will need grocery money …
Tomorrow - move things around in the new space and tape off some areas that will be an accent color.
A trick of the eye where a shadow seems a bit deeper then it actually should, and that is where the FREE Glidden paint comes into play.
Need to price out my “loft” look for the fixtures, which would be the wall mount boxes and such and spot lights and track lights.
Tomorrow is now yesterday
Not a good start.
A phone message that the Pain Doc will not refill meds without an office visit.
A PARTIAL refill gets me only to next Monday, and the phone call gets an appointment next THURSDAY and the pills cost $3 each, and a partial is under the co-pay so am paying full price for not as many pills
Waiting for the return call from the nurse who will tell the doctor I need MORE of my RX and NO I will not drive in rush hour traffic for 50 miles thankyouverymuch, just give me more drugs.
The combination of this that and the other is working, why do I need to take off another day of work for another doctor appointment when we are doing it right??
Moving things around in my studio space and start to get back spazzies, well hell.
With the extra work put into weekends and physical excesses pushing myself during the remodel process can only judge this new “attack” is because went a day without all the medication “on board”
Holding the little bucket of joint compound in my hand - that was formerly known as the BAD HAND - caused pain after an hour, because went a day without all the medication “on board”
I needed to be proceeding with the project, but not having the energy to do the work I was supposed to do
The 94F heat and who cares what the humidity is because can’t breathe anyway - eats at my brain but get on the road to the H Depot to price out fixtures
Bought stuff on the list, and forgot stuff actually NEEDED
The man delivers 8 boxes of carpet tile for the new space and it is now crunch time
The partner sees that I have not proceeded at the rate that I have proved is possible over the past two weeks, and has to comment that he can not wait to see me TRY TO GET all this stuff into the new space.
Reminded him again I removed the stuff that was stored in 3 walk in closets and putting it in a space with NO closets.
Shelving and the renewed and improved storage in the MUD ROOM is my salvation, and haven’t even started going through all of the supplies that are stacked in the living room and dining room.
I have lost some of my clothes.
My laundry basket is missing.
At 5am painting the base coat on bare drywall and notice something is wrong with the speed roller. It has been bent to a specific angle to do the face boards on the gazebo – rendering it UN USABLE for a normal application.
Cripes again
Will need an email message to find out if there is another roller somewhere
If it isn’t one thing it is two things
And I need to shower and get ready for work.
Stressed about work, or health or bills
Everything that can bug you about your partner’s actions or reactions or NON action is blown out of proportion, because of your stress
What part of I DON”T KNOW don’t you understand?
Sometimes the MonSter takes away common sense and I do really stoopid things
BUT THIS DRIVES ME CRAZY!!!! =
Partner has had a horrible week at work and is still functioning, not bringing home the bad stuff, yet makes the comment he is going to buy out the rest of his time, and retire in 12 months instead of 24 months.
Purchase price of the health insurance will be MORE than he will have coming in from his retirement
STRESS
Kills
Blank out the consequences of not paying attention to the details
Like charge stuff because we couldn’t balance the check book, and we didn’t want an overdraft charge
BUT BACK TO THE IMPORTANT STUFF =
Proud that the renovation project is all labor and the price of the flooring and such is so little compared to the cost of building a NEW studio, as had been suggested by the Partner, who is in denial - but is making me my OWN SPACE compared to HIS OWN man space in the huge 2 story garage
To compensate for things better left unsaid?
After paying the insurance on the Jeep, personal loan payment, 2 credit cards and life insurance will need grocery money …
Tomorrow - move things around in the new space and tape off some areas that will be an accent color.
A trick of the eye where a shadow seems a bit deeper then it actually should, and that is where the FREE Glidden paint comes into play.
Need to price out my “loft” look for the fixtures, which would be the wall mount boxes and such and spot lights and track lights.
Tomorrow is now yesterday
Not a good start.
A phone message that the Pain Doc will not refill meds without an office visit.
A PARTIAL refill gets me only to next Monday, and the phone call gets an appointment next THURSDAY and the pills cost $3 each, and a partial is under the co-pay so am paying full price for not as many pills
Waiting for the return call from the nurse who will tell the doctor I need MORE of my RX and NO I will not drive in rush hour traffic for 50 miles thankyouverymuch, just give me more drugs.
The combination of this that and the other is working, why do I need to take off another day of work for another doctor appointment when we are doing it right??
Moving things around in my studio space and start to get back spazzies, well hell.
With the extra work put into weekends and physical excesses pushing myself during the remodel process can only judge this new “attack” is because went a day without all the medication “on board”
Holding the little bucket of joint compound in my hand - that was formerly known as the BAD HAND - caused pain after an hour, because went a day without all the medication “on board”
I needed to be proceeding with the project, but not having the energy to do the work I was supposed to do
The 94F heat and who cares what the humidity is because can’t breathe anyway - eats at my brain but get on the road to the H Depot to price out fixtures
Bought stuff on the list, and forgot stuff actually NEEDED
The man delivers 8 boxes of carpet tile for the new space and it is now crunch time
The partner sees that I have not proceeded at the rate that I have proved is possible over the past two weeks, and has to comment that he can not wait to see me TRY TO GET all this stuff into the new space.
Reminded him again I removed the stuff that was stored in 3 walk in closets and putting it in a space with NO closets.
Shelving and the renewed and improved storage in the MUD ROOM is my salvation, and haven’t even started going through all of the supplies that are stacked in the living room and dining room.
I have lost some of my clothes.
My laundry basket is missing.
At 5am painting the base coat on bare drywall and notice something is wrong with the speed roller. It has been bent to a specific angle to do the face boards on the gazebo – rendering it UN USABLE for a normal application.
Cripes again
Will need an email message to find out if there is another roller somewhere
If it isn’t one thing it is two things
And I need to shower and get ready for work.
Monday, July 12, 2010
Whats LOVE got to do with it?
The current monolog is based on our lives as room mates, not husband and wife?
What is needed in the relationship, s e x.
Room mates do not need to have s e x. but it seems that to keep our love alive.. ect.
Well, I am not in love but I am married. I have not spoken of love for many years, and have not heard of love, just of s e x. Well, the fact that there isn't any.
It isn't working very well.
The exercise of the marital rights didn't work out last time, and since I am a born again virgin, it wasn't pretty.
I darent interject a thought or word or deed, because it reflects how I am .. now..
It would be pointed out that it wasn't always this way.
I have to be honest, I have no s e x drive at all, and can do without for a year or more, and have.
Not attracted to ANYONE thankyouverymuch.
That has not really come to the surface. No attraction.
But it can be worked on, maybe?
What is needed in the relationship, s e x.
Room mates do not need to have s e x. but it seems that to keep our love alive.. ect.
Well, I am not in love but I am married. I have not spoken of love for many years, and have not heard of love, just of s e x. Well, the fact that there isn't any.
It isn't working very well.
The exercise of the marital rights didn't work out last time, and since I am a born again virgin, it wasn't pretty.
I darent interject a thought or word or deed, because it reflects how I am .. now..
It would be pointed out that it wasn't always this way.
I have to be honest, I have no s e x drive at all, and can do without for a year or more, and have.
Not attracted to ANYONE thankyouverymuch.
That has not really come to the surface. No attraction.
But it can be worked on, maybe?
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