I totally forgot about this post! so here I go!
What day is it?
Besides the day before the biggest wedding celebration in the known universe?
Besides the day I have to drag my Hubby to the primary care doc, unload his wheelchair, push his sorry butt into the medical center and hopefully not WAIT too long for that usual in and out appointment, our normal.
Happy Friday
The forearm crutches will be delivered today, maybe they will help the Hubby with stability when he stands and TRIES to walk
My youngest is getting MARRIED in a ceremony at a local venue, then party like it's 1999.
My input with table decorations, the dessert table, the deck decorations, the favors for each table, were committed by ME a year or so ago.
The life interruption July 18 has really taken its toll, not that I panic easily. I did my part and with joy!
My plan to take my job and shove it was part of the overall picture - complete the task of WEDDING in my own time... OOOPs
I have had no OWN TIME since July 18...
Coming to my rescue was a shout out to my Sister In Laws - they committed 2 Saturdays to help get my decorations finished. And assemble 13 dozen mini jar pies!
I of course had a PLAN - laid out the work stations with examples, supplies, glue guns of choice, and let them run with it!
I was a teacher of sorts before, and thought it would be easy to give up control over the outcome... well not so much... but it GOT DONE.
The hubby is not walking down the isle, he is rolling. He had HUGE plans and goals for going down the isle with our youngest on his arm, and his cane at his side. Not gonna happen.
The walker is so unsteady in his hands that it IS NOT AN OPTION.
So rollin' rollin' rollin' -
My biggest fear is my collapse before my job is done.
After is OKAY, cause I can take to my bed for a week and leave my Hubby to his own devices... and let him see once more, that I am a saint, a nurse, a help beyond the normal scope of things...
Let him work at his own IV - his own Meals - his own laundry - and putting on his jacket...
lol
He dresses himself in the morning, and is exhausted - but he is trying!
That is all I can expect - trying -
AFTER I load the 13 dozen mini-pie favors in the van I will consider myself done and ready to PARTY...
And hope the HELP that was promised will be at the venue to unload the van full of decorations - and to be realistic - I hope I can DO IT without over doing ... kwim?
My dress that I bought on line is so totally awesome that I am staggered at my boyish figure revealed in this dress! I am not even going to buy a wonder bra to put new boobs on my new frame...
Is is really easy to lose weight with a crisis? I don't know, because I log in 3 miles a day on the parking lots and side walks of the hospitals, watch what I eat, and take vitamins for energy... and my plan was to lose weight that stress eating put on me over the last few years...
And I did it...
The post script is that I did not even get the chance to collapse - I am still the caregiver - BUT I am also still recovering from the effects of the PARTY and my dancing like a fool the whole evening long, while directing the show and being the go to girl for every decision that needed to be made... while the bride did her bride things... I was AWESOME!
I am able to function a bit, and give the husband an eyebrow, and reply: no I am not doing that today, I am still in recovery mode... I will see how I feel tomorrow...
Thursday, October 18, 2012
Wrapped UP
Wrapped up in being a caregiver to my husband
New Normal: alarm goes off at midnight, get up and prepare IV, tip toe in darkness to address the situation
Start IV, empty urinal (s), poke him into using his C-Pap
Go back to my bed, sleep overtakes until 3:13 am and I am up again,
Remove IV, flush the PICC line, inject Heparin into the line, empty urinal (s)
Visit websites of note, visit forums, read email, drink 3 cups of coffee, wish I could go back to bed and sleep.
Start the next IV at 6 am
Wonder how the day will go
AT 7:30 am I remove IV, see above, tell him what time it is, let him get himself up, assist when glared at and go start my breakfast...
One two three four, who are we rooting for?
My husband is a non compliant patient. Worries about how his progress is so slow getting back on his feet.
Tells PT lies about what exercises he is doing to regain strength.
Says he is going to PARK the power chair that I remind him saves his strength for the PT ...
Lies to the Cardiac doctor about wearing his LIFE VEST (defibrillator on the outside, if he goes into V-Tack will save his life)
Adding a bit of back story - when he retired in June of 2011 I noticed his total lazy attitude, but wrote that off because HE CAN BE LAZY... he is retired.
He spent weeks at a time down at the lake with his cousin, I rejoiced because I had alone time, and counted the days until he would leave again for the lake...
When asked if he was driving me crazy I would honestly say NO! because he wasn't around.
I can go to bed at 5:30 pm, doze in front of stoopid HOUSE HUNTERS INTERNATIONAL or such, and go to bed to wake when I had to, get ready for work and come back to do it all over again.
MY retirement because of JOB STRESS was for exactly one month and 17 days... until I took him to the ER...
September 14 he came home - and my Altered Life changed again...
New Normal: alarm goes off at midnight, get up and prepare IV, tip toe in darkness to address the situation
Start IV, empty urinal (s), poke him into using his C-Pap
Go back to my bed, sleep overtakes until 3:13 am and I am up again,
Remove IV, flush the PICC line, inject Heparin into the line, empty urinal (s)
Visit websites of note, visit forums, read email, drink 3 cups of coffee, wish I could go back to bed and sleep.
Start the next IV at 6 am
Wonder how the day will go
AT 7:30 am I remove IV, see above, tell him what time it is, let him get himself up, assist when glared at and go start my breakfast...
One two three four, who are we rooting for?
My husband is a non compliant patient. Worries about how his progress is so slow getting back on his feet.
Tells PT lies about what exercises he is doing to regain strength.
Says he is going to PARK the power chair that I remind him saves his strength for the PT ...
Lies to the Cardiac doctor about wearing his LIFE VEST (defibrillator on the outside, if he goes into V-Tack will save his life)
Adding a bit of back story - when he retired in June of 2011 I noticed his total lazy attitude, but wrote that off because HE CAN BE LAZY... he is retired.
He spent weeks at a time down at the lake with his cousin, I rejoiced because I had alone time, and counted the days until he would leave again for the lake...
When asked if he was driving me crazy I would honestly say NO! because he wasn't around.
I can go to bed at 5:30 pm, doze in front of stoopid HOUSE HUNTERS INTERNATIONAL or such, and go to bed to wake when I had to, get ready for work and come back to do it all over again.
MY retirement because of JOB STRESS was for exactly one month and 17 days... until I took him to the ER...
September 14 he came home - and my Altered Life changed again...
Sunday, August 12, 2012
Living Hell
So my life as a retired person is for SH*T
My dh suffered a really bad set back health wise, with an infection ON the spine from T18 to L something
Shocked and dismayed at the amount of pain he was suffering we finally called 911 and got his hurting back to the hospital
2 days later had a surgery that revealed infection / abcess and it was drained, he had a zipper looking row of staples in his back and was sent to ICU, then to a rehab hospital - to get him on his feet again
The infection made him confused
The ABX by IV 4 times a day made him confused
And I had started burning the candle (THAT CANDLE ya know) at both ends - 14 hour days at the hospital doing EVERYTHING I could to keep track of treatments, drugs, nursing & aid staff... lol...
So now we are at day 28 of this crap and he has been sent to the hospital again with bleeding ulcers, which were taken care of and he is starting rehab ALL OVER
My dh suffered a really bad set back health wise, with an infection ON the spine from T18 to L something
Shocked and dismayed at the amount of pain he was suffering we finally called 911 and got his hurting back to the hospital
2 days later had a surgery that revealed infection / abcess and it was drained, he had a zipper looking row of staples in his back and was sent to ICU, then to a rehab hospital - to get him on his feet again
The infection made him confused
The ABX by IV 4 times a day made him confused
And I had started burning the candle (THAT CANDLE ya know) at both ends - 14 hour days at the hospital doing EVERYTHING I could to keep track of treatments, drugs, nursing & aid staff... lol...
So now we are at day 28 of this crap and he has been sent to the hospital again with bleeding ulcers, which were taken care of and he is starting rehab ALL OVER
Friday, June 15, 2012
One half of the month is gone, I am not feeling retired yet
DH asked if I feel retired
I says NO I feel like I am on vacation, working my A$$ off every morning
Like I normally do on vacation
I have not bitten off more than I can chew, doing my outside work early early in the morning
The HEAT of summer has just started to bother me, so I remove myself into the a/c
20 bags of mulch is handled ONE AT A TIME
Prep work outside is just like laying out any inside work, do what you can then stop when you can't
I am taking great satisfaction from sitting and looking at the back yard, knowing that I have put off cleaning up and replanting for the last 3 summers.. just because I couldn't do it and recover
Now I am able to do it, to the extent that I am able, then sit and recover.. maybe for 2 days of recover, but still I have the time to recover
I was thinking .. ha
Going back to the office after 30 days off, just because I may be able bodied enough to tackle it again
Maybe not
sigh
Sleep disorder is still hanging with me, and I did fall into taking the sleeping pills that the neuro RX for me
It extended my night - but I am still up by 4 am or 5:30 am if I take it when I wake up at midnight
Once I was so groggy I felt like I lost valuable hours because I just could not get going - mentally
How much help is that?
Not that I need to get going - but I don't need the groggy not all there feeling either!
I have a primary care doc appt for a physical, because I have had no blood work for years, and I need to know if anything else is going on, I am never really SICK, I have MS
DH asked if I feel retired
I says NO I feel like I am on vacation, working my A$$ off every morning
Like I normally do on vacation
I have not bitten off more than I can chew, doing my outside work early early in the morning
The HEAT of summer has just started to bother me, so I remove myself into the a/c
20 bags of mulch is handled ONE AT A TIME
Prep work outside is just like laying out any inside work, do what you can then stop when you can't
I am taking great satisfaction from sitting and looking at the back yard, knowing that I have put off cleaning up and replanting for the last 3 summers.. just because I couldn't do it and recover
Now I am able to do it, to the extent that I am able, then sit and recover.. maybe for 2 days of recover, but still I have the time to recover
I was thinking .. ha
Going back to the office after 30 days off, just because I may be able bodied enough to tackle it again
Maybe not
sigh
Sleep disorder is still hanging with me, and I did fall into taking the sleeping pills that the neuro RX for me
It extended my night - but I am still up by 4 am or 5:30 am if I take it when I wake up at midnight
Once I was so groggy I felt like I lost valuable hours because I just could not get going - mentally
How much help is that?
Not that I need to get going - but I don't need the groggy not all there feeling either!
I have a primary care doc appt for a physical, because I have had no blood work for years, and I need to know if anything else is going on, I am never really SICK, I have MS
Saturday, May 26, 2012
Done
I have finally finished my stint
THE work is done, the stress is over, and I am starting my new life as retired person
I have been told the life is so busy that I will not believe how I had the time to work a full time job
I just want to rest
I want to recharge and be free to take naps, play with my grandson, sit on the deck, gaze at my pond
Art when I want to, clean house when I want to, or do NOTHING when it is the best option
The daily stress of putting other peoples fires and meeting other peoples goals are over
The new stresses will be my choice, I will be able to pick my battles
All of the sx that keep popping up to remind me I am SICK can be handled instead of being pushed behind me
My old x boss and my newest x boss wish me well
My newest x boss will become a good friend, a fun friend, another daughter kinda friend
X clients are wringing their hands, shaking their heads, and wondering what next, but I do not have to worry about that because I will stick my head in weekly and find out what is happening, make a suggestion, or even sit down at the computer and do some triage if needed..
or grab my newest x boss and go to lunch or junking or lure her away to my studio for lunch and gossip..
THE work is done, the stress is over, and I am starting my new life as retired person
I have been told the life is so busy that I will not believe how I had the time to work a full time job
I just want to rest
I want to recharge and be free to take naps, play with my grandson, sit on the deck, gaze at my pond
Art when I want to, clean house when I want to, or do NOTHING when it is the best option
The daily stress of putting other peoples fires and meeting other peoples goals are over
The new stresses will be my choice, I will be able to pick my battles
All of the sx that keep popping up to remind me I am SICK can be handled instead of being pushed behind me
My old x boss and my newest x boss wish me well
My newest x boss will become a good friend, a fun friend, another daughter kinda friend
X clients are wringing their hands, shaking their heads, and wondering what next, but I do not have to worry about that because I will stick my head in weekly and find out what is happening, make a suggestion, or even sit down at the computer and do some triage if needed..
or grab my newest x boss and go to lunch or junking or lure her away to my studio for lunch and gossip..
Friday, May 18, 2012
Just shoot me now
Because I am not a good person,
I am just sitting here wondering what the hell I am doing,
sitting here
Because I am worried about the future,
I am just sitting here,
worry-ing
Because I skrewed up just a few seconds ago,
I tried to make it right,
I am just wondering what the hell I am doing,
trying
5 more days of work, shoot me now
I am just sitting here wondering what the hell I am doing,
sitting here
Because I am worried about the future,
I am just sitting here,
worry-ing
Because I skrewed up just a few seconds ago,
I tried to make it right,
I am just wondering what the hell I am doing,
trying
5 more days of work, shoot me now
Thursday, May 17, 2012
Amazing Grace an old post
Still in a state of GRACE.
Working hard outside in the heat has not been an option, but early early morning isn't too bad.
Currently excited about just having internet again.
Today I am trying to organize myself for a visit from my folks, who may be shocked to see my gray hair.
But, thats just what happens when you get tired of the UPKEEP..lol
I am rental property, my "owner" sees me as just fine the way I am..
The folks that walk by don't notice the droopy window blinds, and faded paint... but it is noticable to the people who used to "live" next door...
She who was out in public with makeup and such, she no longer is around.. hasn't been for a while.
Working hard outside in the heat has not been an option, but early early morning isn't too bad.
Currently excited about just having internet again.
Today I am trying to organize myself for a visit from my folks, who may be shocked to see my gray hair.
But, thats just what happens when you get tired of the UPKEEP..lol
I am rental property, my "owner" sees me as just fine the way I am..
The folks that walk by don't notice the droopy window blinds, and faded paint... but it is noticable to the people who used to "live" next door...
She who was out in public with makeup and such, she no longer is around.. hasn't been for a while.
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