Thursday, October 18, 2012

A wedding A recovery A new life?

I totally forgot about this post! so here I go!

What day is it?

Besides the day before the biggest wedding celebration in the known universe?

Besides the day I have to drag my Hubby to the primary care doc, unload his wheelchair, push his sorry butt into the medical center and hopefully not WAIT too long for that usual in and out appointment, our normal.

Happy Friday

The forearm crutches will be delivered today, maybe they will help the Hubby with stability when he stands and TRIES to walk

My youngest is getting MARRIED in a ceremony at a local venue, then party like it's 1999.

My input with table decorations, the dessert table, the deck decorations, the favors for each table, were committed by ME a year or so ago.

The life interruption July 18 has really taken its toll, not that I panic easily.  I did my part and with joy!

My plan to take my job and shove it was part of the overall picture - complete the task of WEDDING in my own time... OOOPs

I have had no OWN TIME since July 18...

Coming to my rescue was a shout out to my Sister In Laws - they committed 2 Saturdays to help get my decorations finished. And assemble 13 dozen mini jar pies!

I of course had a PLAN  -  laid out the work stations with examples, supplies, glue guns of choice, and let them run with it!

I was a teacher of sorts before, and thought it would be easy to give up control over the outcome... well not so much...  but it GOT DONE.

The hubby is not walking down the isle, he is rolling.  He had HUGE plans and goals for going down the isle with our youngest on his arm, and his cane at his side.  Not gonna happen.

The walker is so unsteady in his hands that it IS NOT AN OPTION.

So rollin' rollin' rollin' -

My biggest fear is my collapse before my job is done.

After is OKAY, cause I can take to my bed for a week and leave my Hubby to his own devices... and let him see once more, that I am a saint, a nurse, a help beyond the normal scope of things...

Let him work at his own IV - his own Meals - his own laundry - and putting on his jacket...

lol

He dresses himself in the morning, and is exhausted - but he is trying!

That is all I can expect - trying -

AFTER I load the 13 dozen mini-pie favors in the van I will consider myself done and ready to PARTY...

And hope the HELP that was promised will be at the venue to unload the van full of decorations - and to be realistic - I hope I can DO IT without over doing ... kwim?

My dress that I bought on line is so totally awesome that I am staggered at my boyish figure revealed in this dress!  I am not even going to buy a wonder bra to put new boobs on my new frame...

Is is really easy to lose weight with a crisis?   I don't know, because I log in 3 miles a day on the parking lots and side walks of the hospitals, watch what I eat, and take vitamins for energy... and my plan was to lose weight that stress eating put on me over the last few years...

And I did it...

The post script is that I did not even get the chance to collapse - I am still the caregiver - BUT I am also still recovering from the effects of the PARTY and my dancing like a fool the whole evening long, while directing the show and being the go to girl for every decision that needed to be made... while the bride did her bride things... I was AWESOME!

I am able to function a bit, and give the husband an eyebrow, and reply: no I am not doing that today, I am still in recovery mode... I will see how I feel tomorrow...

Wrapped UP

Wrapped up in being a caregiver to my husband

New Normal:  alarm goes off at midnight, get up and prepare IV, tip toe in darkness to address the situation

Start IV, empty urinal (s), poke him into using his C-Pap

Go back to my bed, sleep overtakes until 3:13 am and I am up again,

Remove IV, flush the PICC line, inject Heparin into the line, empty urinal (s)

Visit websites of note, visit forums, read email, drink 3 cups of coffee, wish I could go back to bed and sleep.

Start the next IV at 6 am

Wonder how the day will go

AT 7:30 am I remove IV, see above, tell him what time it is, let him get himself up, assist when glared at and go start my breakfast...

One two three four, who are we rooting for?

My husband is a non compliant patient.  Worries about how his progress is so slow getting back on his feet.

Tells PT lies about what exercises he is doing to regain strength.

Says he is going to PARK the power chair that I remind him saves his strength for the PT ...

Lies to the Cardiac doctor about wearing his LIFE VEST (defibrillator on the outside,  if he goes into V-Tack will save his life)

Adding a bit of back story - when he retired in June of 2011 I noticed his total lazy attitude, but wrote that off because HE CAN BE LAZY... he is retired.

He spent weeks at a time down at the lake with his cousin, I rejoiced because I had alone time, and counted the days until he would leave again for the lake...

When asked if he was driving me crazy I would honestly say NO! because he wasn't around.

I can go to bed at 5:30 pm, doze in front of stoopid HOUSE HUNTERS INTERNATIONAL or such, and go to bed to wake when I had to, get ready for work and come back to do it all over again.

MY retirement because of  JOB STRESS was for exactly one month and 17 days... until I took him to the ER...

September 14 he came home - and my Altered Life changed again...