Done

I have finally finished my stint 


THE work is done, the stress is over, and I am starting my new life as retired person


I have been told the life is so busy that I will not believe how I had the time to work a full time job


I just want to rest


I want to recharge and be free to take naps, play with my grandson, sit on the deck, gaze at my pond


Art when I want to, clean house when I want to, or do NOTHING when it is the best option


The daily stress of putting other peoples fires and meeting other peoples goals are over


The new stresses will be my choice, I will be able to pick my battles


All of the sx that keep popping up to remind me I am SICK can be handled instead of being pushed behind me


My old x  boss and my newest  x boss wish me well


My newest x boss will become a good friend, a fun friend, another daughter kinda friend


X clients are wringing their hands, shaking their heads, and wondering what next, but I do not have to worry about that because I will stick my head in weekly and find out what is happening, make a suggestion, or even sit down at the computer and do some triage if needed..


 or grab my newest x boss and go to lunch or junking or lure her away to my studio for lunch and gossip..

Just shoot me now

Because I am not a good person,
 I am just sitting here wondering what the hell I am doing,
 sitting here

Because I am worried about the future,
 I am just sitting here,
 worry-ing

Because I skrewed up just a few seconds ago,
 I tried to make it right,
I am just wondering what the hell I am doing,
trying

5 more days of work, shoot me now

Amazing Grace an old post

Still in a state of GRACE.

Working hard outside in the heat has not been an option, but early early morning isn't too bad.

Currently excited about just having internet again.

Today I am trying to organize myself for a visit from my folks, who may be shocked to see my gray hair.

But, thats just what happens when you get tired of the UPKEEP..lol

I am rental property, my "owner" sees me as just fine the way I am..

The folks that walk by don't notice the droopy window blinds, and faded paint... but it is noticable to the people who used to "live" next door...

She who was out in public with makeup and such, she no longer is around.. hasn't been for a while.

Here we Go an old post I found..

Rock or Roll

Brain mush is giving me big trouble, not a lot more than normal, but trouble

I can't connect the dots anymore

Trying to connect the dots with the pain situation, I can't even SEE the freeking dots

Typing is abysmal, cognition is just a word on the screen, I don't even know what that is anymore, and my mental acuity is strained

Knowing what I want to say but CAN"T get it out?

That has changed to NOT KNOWING WHAT I NEED TO SAY in a given situation

So I may want to figure out my next step.. shuffle ball change is now shuffle shuffle shuffle ...

Actually I felt a tap dance coming on.. and was doing a few riffs across the hardwood floor in my kitchen.. felt really really good...  the doing of a tap dance in my kitchen...

I used to warn my kids about tapping in the kitchen, I actually had a board to use for that purpose

It's just MS

Got a call from the GI doc office today to tell me the results of the Swallow Test.

Its just the MS she says.

http://www.webmd.com/digestive-disorders/tc/difficulty-swallowing-dysphagia-overview

The modified swallow test was okay.  But the Tube thru the nose, down the throat, was really gross.

I did a GREAT JOB! the tech said.

But = it's just the MS.

So when I swallow water I can get a coughing fit, aspirate it into my lungs, etc.

Or I can just choke on my own spit.

Retirement looms - only 7 work days left until I am done.

Newbee has no replacement (like I can be replaced?)

I am trying to organize my space for easy access but KEEP redoing what I have done

On the hand that is no good:  it is still a hurting mess with constant pain cramping and weakness

On the other hand:  I am suspecting carp tunnel .. pain is shooting up that arm - just another brick in the wall

I made a card that says :

 Just because they can't find anything wrong, doesn't mean NOTHING IS WRONG

If the not working brings some relief from the stressors, then it may bring relief from the pain.

Some of the stressors include this job, but some of the stressors also are at home.

It is getting better and worse.

So I will get a new grip on the worse and rejoice in the better.

Waiting

Can I depend on the neuro to see and hear me?

I have been fighting with fatigue for my entire MS life, and the increased meds for pain have given me increased fatigue, so the neuro gives me more drugs to block the fatigue.

More off lable "speed" and sleeping pills to keep me knocked out at night instead of THINKING

Maybe the increased "speed" has started working.

The latest MRI has come back with no change since last year, but last year I had a NEW spot on my brian.

On the temporal lobe.. which he assures me is no biggie.

I am begging to differ...


Google shows many articles about memory and such in regard to these spots on the temporal lobe..

My memory and function is in the toilet

Time to find another doctor???

Watching it storm
Strait down rain splashes back up a foot
Lightning crack warns me of the boom to come
Darkness like evening covers the sky

I am alone
Hoping that the surge protector works

Strangely I have not posted for a while, yet no so strange considering.

My retirement is coming closer, yet I don't know how I am going to handle it.

Maybe the fact that I am taking the initiative to actually stop and get my act together?

Maybe the example from my DH - and the fact he is not holding up well physically and mentally is scaring me.

So do I really need to retire and coop up here at home, or just find a cause to get behind?

My muse woke up and I did several art clocks, with my room a mess.

That didn't hurt my work at all...

And I was invited to show my clocks in August at the Collections Show .. happy dance.

ha ha ha I just need to stay organized as possible to keep everything in sight and at hand!

Speaking of hands:

I had an appointment with a hand surgeon that works miracles, and had to cancel it because I didn't have all the information I needed, AND my boss had a conflicting doctor appt that left the office unmanned for the entire morning.  I chose to come to the office instead and try to get some of the records I needed to take with me to the surgeon.

Doctor appointment conflicts are not normal, yet as I near leaving I have to get these appointments lined up-

sigh